CRUSHED SOUL

A detailed account of self-loathing
by Ahojus Zaid

Synopsis

Crushed Soul is a look inside the mind of a self-destructive man as he loses all hope. Emotionally raw, violent, and profane, this is not a book for the easily offended. Over sixty separate pieces across 4 sections range from Bukowski-esque minimalist poetry to transgressive flash fiction.

Excerpt

A different excerpt appears here every day of the week.

Beauty

Beauty is when someone captures your attention and you want to know their every detail.

I always seem to pick up on a lot of things she hates about herself, although it isn't intentional. I love the subtle details of her skin, her natural features. I love when she lets me see her without makeup. Stretch marks, scars, moles, freckles, spots... they don't make her unattractive. They make her real, and I love real. I don't want her to be perfect. I want to know that she exists the way she is before me and is willing to let me see her that way. I want to spend hours studying her because she fascinates me, and I love all the little things I pick up on when I do.

I love the way she changes with time; I find it fascinating. When she gains weight I love the curves it accentuates, and when she loses it I love that too. I love the subtle undertones to her facial expressions and the little details of her mannerisms that take time to notice. I love her when she falls asleep and her face displays the gentle innocence of a child. I love her when she's a brat and her eyes twinkle with mischief. I love her when she cries and her eyes are red and puffy, and I love her when she laughs and her smile comes out.

I love her ears, I love her hair and the way some of it escapes and swirls at the back of her neck, I love her arms, I love her cheeks and the softness of them and I love to hold her close and smell her even when all there is to smell is her natural scent. I love her when she's sweaty and I love when I get to wash her and I love the parts of her that don't even make sense to love because they are, after all, parts of her.

I wish I could believe that I'll feel this way about someone again.

Where to Buy

An abridged version of Crushed Soul is available for download in PDF format for free. Click here to download.

Crushed Soul is available in print via print-on-demand from TheBookPatch.

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For bulk orders (10 or more), personalized copies, press inquiries, hate mail, or if you are interested in stocking Crushed Soul in your store, please email ahojus.zaid@gmail.com.

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Front cover image