A detailed account of self-loathing
by Ahojus Zaid


Crushed Soul is a look inside the mind of a self-destructive man as he loses all hope. Emotionally raw, violent, and profane, this is not a book for the easily offended. Over sixty separate pieces across 4 sections range from Bukowski-esque minimalist poetry to transgressive flash fiction.


A different excerpt appears here every day of the week.


She's sitting by herself in a booth in the back of the bar. I know what she's doing because it's the same thing I'm doing; going to a public place to drink and absorb the vapors of other people's social interaction while remaining safely insulated from any real connection: first by will, and then by intoxication. She's one of me, I'm one of her. She's beautiful. But I can't talk to her.

Conversation means letting words in and out, and sooner than expected one of those words will sneak through the customs agency of my mind and it will contain little black beetles of emotion, and those beetles will find their way into my brain, heart, stomach and they will eat me alive from the inside long after the conversation has faded from memory.

I know this because I'm still drinking high test to burn out the last three or four infestations. It's hard as hell to get rid of them and they burn when they come out as tears, vomit, diarrhea, blood. I'm pretty sure they never really go away for good, because I can tell the guy down the bar has them worse and he's at least twice my age.


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An abridged version of Crushed Soul is available for download in PDF format for free. Click here to download.

Crushed Soul is available in print via print-on-demand from TheBookPatch.

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Front cover image