A detailed account of self-loathing
by Ahojus Zaid


Crushed Soul is a look inside the mind of a self-destructive man as he loses all hope. Emotionally raw, violent, and profane, this is not a book for the easily offended. Over sixty separate pieces across 4 sections range from Bukowski-esque minimalist poetry to transgressive flash fiction.


A different excerpt appears here every day of the week.


Beauty is when someone captures your attention and you want to know their every detail.

I always seem to pick up on a lot of things she hates about herself, although it isn't intentional. I love the subtle details of her skin, her natural features. I love when she lets me see her without makeup. Stretch marks, scars, moles, freckles, spots... they don't make her unattractive. They make her real, and I love real. I don't want her to be perfect. I want to know that she exists the way she is before me and is willing to let me see her that way. I want to spend hours studying her because she fascinates me, and I love all the little things I pick up on when I do.

I love the way she changes with time; I find it fascinating. When she gains weight I love the curves it accentuates, and when she loses it I love that too. I love the subtle undertones to her facial expressions and the little details of her mannerisms that take time to notice. I love her when she falls asleep and her face displays the gentle innocence of a child. I love her when she's a brat and her eyes twinkle with mischief. I love her when she cries and her eyes are red and puffy, and I love her when she laughs and her smile comes out.

I love her ears, I love her hair and the way some of it escapes and swirls at the back of her neck, I love her arms, I love her cheeks and the softness of them and I love to hold her close and smell her even when all there is to smell is her natural scent. I love her when she's sweaty and I love when I get to wash her and I love the parts of her that don't even make sense to love because they are, after all, parts of her.

I wish I could believe that I'll feel this way about someone again.

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An abridged version of Crushed Soul is available for download in PDF format for free. Click here to download.

Crushed Soul is available in print via print-on-demand from TheBookPatch.

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Front cover image